Let’s start things afresh.
Hi, I’m Huewinn! I’m a proud alumna of University of Brighton, with a pretentious portfolio and a 2:1 degree in interior architecture.
Like many graduates in the 21st century, I have found myself squandering around looking for ‘the perfect job‘. With my luck, I’ve made little to no progress in climbing up the career ladder towards my aspirations. Now, plenty of people within my life tell me to ‘carry on going!’ or ‘try another route!’ and even ‘it’ll come to you when you least expect it!’. Here’s the thing: I have been carrying on! I have been trying! I have been patient, optimistic and taking it as it is! I have! I have! I have! But do you know what?
It’s torture having to go against who I am by changing my name to ‘Hannah Chan‘ on my CV, and it hurts me even more to see that I receive more replies (both rejections and interviews) with this stage name in relation to my birth name. Honestly? It felt as if I was stripped away from my identity, and thrown into a pool of manufactured dolls waiting to be picked up and played with.
Let’s not even begin talking about my pretentious CV and to-laugh at portfolio. What’s this? I’m at an interview and they want to see examples of work produced for companies? Well of course I don’t have more than ten to show! Also, between you and I? Half of them are made up companies! They’re Fillers! Tricksters! Frauds! They’re pathetic (albeit, fun to design) examples to fill my portfolio for potential clients and interviewers to see.
Let’s take this for example:
Did I enjoy making a lame company name and slogan? Of course I did! Was I actually commissioned by someone? Of course not! This example, like many others within my portfolio, is a depiction of how I have degraded myself and betrayed my values to fit society’s requirements towards being hired within the design industry. I’m sick of it.
In the most snail-paced manner, it’s been almost a year since I’ve actively started searching for a design-related career, and I have made outstanding progress towards anything but my aspirations! The closest I’ve come towards nailing a design-related job has been my unexpected internship post-graduation. From there onwards? It’s been a series of stumbles and falls, dropping me further and further away from what I’d expected of myself.
It’s been a long and tiresome battle.
Although I’ve made practically no progression towards my desired career path, I’m happy to say that I’ve learned a lot. I’ve come to recognise and welcome my fears in the most roundabout way possible, and despite being in conflict with it many a time, I’m gradually coming to terms with it. For now? Let’s just say that I’m taking a step back and appreciating life for what it is.
So, this is me.
This is my ‘fuck it’ blog towards life and happiness.
This time, I’m going to do things my way whereby I get to decide what content I produce and post. It’s not going to be a ‘please hire me!’ website, nor is it going to be a ‘look at how great/bad I am at design!’. It’s been decided. I’m going to do what I want to do and design what I want to design. If people don’t like it? So be it!
This is my website, with my real name.
Hi, I’m Huewinn.