|WORDSPLURGE: Hosting|

Hosting and Domain transfers has become an utter headache in my life.
I haven’t neglected this site, trust me, big things are to come in 2018!

The only issue is that there are certain hosting issues and domain name transfers.
With that being said, watch out for an updated website in the coming (hopefully) week!

huewinnchan.com

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|WORDSPLURGE: Support|

supportI just want to help.

Note: word splurge – instant posts drafted & scrambled together with incoherent words

I’d intended on posting a different post this week, heck, I’d even had it drafted up and all! But no, that can be put on the back burner this week. Tonight, I’m going to talk about support. I’m going to write about support from both ends of the spectrum – both giving and receiving.

Most recently, I’ve been making trivial attempts to be supportive to a close friend of mine. However, like I stated, they were trivial attempts. How is it possible to help someone when they don’t want to be helped? How is it possible to show that you’re there for that person when they refuse you? You end up exhausting yourself trying to show your concern all the while, they test your limits with sarcastic words that cut.

You felt hopeless being unable to help them break out of their negative state of mind, and retaliate with a depleted ‘I’m only trying to help’ comment while making your way to door to show yourself out. Tonight, I felt like that. It’s a horrible feeling to have expressed your concern for someone you care for to only receive rejection. To sum it up, you feel useless. 


But how about being on the receiving end of support? What about all of the times when you’d rejected support from others? Whether it was conscious or subconscious, we’ve all rejected support from others one way or another in our lives. Maybe you refused to tell your mother who continually pestered you with ‘what’s wrong, dear?’ questions, or maybe you declined the support from your co-worker who wanted to help you out with the swamp of work that was lumped onto you. For whatever the reason, you chose to reject the support given to you by others.


Support comes in many ways.
Sometimes you don’t want to hear the truth, or maybe sometimes you do! Sometimes you want to cut off all your problems and worries just for a moment, and so you seek support by spending some time indulging in your favourite activities with good company.

Oftentimes, you just want to wallow in self pity and weep words of despair to a trusting friend who will accept your quirks no matter what.

Other times? Other times you just need to support yourself. You close yourself up and get on with it. You keep it in, you keep it together. 


So how about the times when you receive support but reject it? Why is it that we do this? Everyone deals with their problems in their own way, and sometimes we project our anger and frustration onto others who reach out to us. I guess what I’m saying here is that without even realising it, we’ve all  ended up hurting others in the process of rejecting sincerity and support at least once in our lives. It hurts being on the receiving end of rejection when every form of support is perceived to be futile. Likewise, it can be a challenge to become aware of your actions when you’re caught up in your own blunder of despair and negativity.

In a roundabout way, what I want to get through to anyone who’s reading this is that the next time you reject any sort of support or assistance from anyone, consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of the rejection. Rather than a simple dismissal, have you ever considered explaining the reason why you don’t need their support, or rather expressing the type of support you’re seeking for. Maybe you’re not looking to speak to them about your problems, rather you’re looking for a distraction from it! Or maybe you just want to be alone for a while. 

An explanation is softer than an ambiguous rejection.


So here’s a question that I’d like pose for my readers tonight; how can someone show their support when said person you’re trying to give it to is being uncooperative? Likewise, what kind of support do you need when you’re stuck in a negative state of mind?

Leave a comment below, or feel free to contact me here!

|WORD SPLURGE: Post-Graduation – the gruelling reality|

Graduation PhotoThe face of a clueless graduate

Since uploading my previous post about leaving my job, I’ve received supportive feedback from friends and newly-acquainted readers in the same position as me. While I understand that I have a supportive network, I continue to have a fear of judgement from others. Following on from this, I have a post relating to post-graduation that has been sitting in my draft box for the past 2 months. I know it’s common to have fluctuations of a creative block but… two months?! C’mon!

A part of me believes it’s down to the fear of judgement from others once I post it to the WordPress sphere, while the other (more prominent) part of me is scared of admitting it to myself. Bluntly putting it, I’m not fully allowing to be kind to myself and to accept my answer for what it is.


I’m disappointed in myself that in the past year, I’ve had little to no chances in advancing my design career.
I’m frustrated with myself that I’d never taken the opportunities and chances that had been laid in front of me by supportive friends and families.
I’m angry at myself for not having the courage to take the leap in certain situations.


In light of it all, I’m glad that I didn’t.


I’m happy that I hadn’t gone against my values by casting a pretentious mask during job interviews.
I’m proud of myself that I’m taking the initiative to take a leap now, because if not now… then when?!
I’m more determined now to take control of my path and to steer it towards what I feel passionate talking about.


At the end of the day, it boils down to trusting yourself and believing that things will turn out for the better. It has been a rollercoaster of a year since graduation, and I may not have climbed the career ladder at all, but I’m glad to be heading towards a path that fills me with excitement!

Don’t be scared and trust your inner-encouraging voice!

You can read my background story here: |’THIS IS ME’|

|WORD SPLURGE: Brain Fart|

kapootSometimes, your mind becomes blank.

You stare at your text post with incoherent letters and words jumbled together in a line. But your mind is alive! It’s shouting with ideas! It’s telling you to write this! To write that!

But what do you do instead? You don’t write anything. You have brain fart.

Today, I have brain fart.
Kapoot. Nada. Nothing.

 

|WORD SPLURGE: I am ill|

illThat’s just it. I am ill!

I’ve recently returned from my holiday in Amsterdam, and it’s safe to say that I am ill. No, it’s not post-holiday blues, or feeling under the weather symptoms. I am ill!

I had been bedridden throughout the weekend, and I’m sick of being sick! Sick to the point where I was urged to go home and rest instead of going to work!

I’m ill, I’m tired, and I’m fed up! 

On a lighter note, Amsterdam was absolutely amazing, and a post will come in due time. The only issue is that I’ve been far too exhausted to write more than a few sentences at a time.

mood

I’m going back to bed. 

|WORD SPLURGE: The Need to be RIGHT!|

quarrelNO, YOU LISTEN TO ME!

Note: word splurge – instant posts drafted & scrambled together with incoherent words

Ohhhh, I am itching to word splurge this morning! The end of the weekday awaits, and the weekend is just around the corner! As I’m typing, I am chomping on my cereal with a strong urge to voice my opinion on the need to be right. 

A couple months ago, I’d fallen into a heated discussion with an old friend. He had refused to accept and end our debate on ‘agree to disagree’ terms; his reply to my preposition was due to his “want to be right!”

There has been several instances where people (myself included) have become irretrievably blind to the situation at hand because of the need to be right. Imagine yourself in the heat of a situation – whether it be an argument with your partner or family member, or a discussion-leading-on-debate with friends and colleagues. Within that moment, you somehow become closed off from the initial topic of discussion. In turn,  you mentally shield yourself with ‘I NEED TO WIN! I NEED TO BE RIGHT!’ to protect your fragile ego.

During this moment, you become blind to the initial topic of discussion in order to ‘win’, or in your defence, to prove your point.

But why?

Why is it that we crave to be correct? Is it because it inflates our ego and affirms our sense of self-worth, or is it a defence mechanism we’ve developed to protect our own values from opposing and intrusive topics?

It’s frustrating, from both ends of the spectrum as we can become remarkably stubborn  and closed minded in order to prove our point. Whether it be a defence mechanism, or a means of feeding our ego; if either individual refuse to accept the opposing opinion, the conversation inevitably becomes pointless.

So here’s a question I’d like to propose:
If you’re have a pointless conversation, why should you continue to prove your point?

Stop wasting your time and agree to disagree!
Stop trying to be your version of ‘right’!

|WORD SPLURGE: Ego|

EGOEgo: A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance

Note: word splurge – instant posts drafted & scrambled together with incoherent words

While I’ve understood the concept of varying ego sizes from person to person, I’ve only recently been made aware that ego comes in various forms depending on the situation that you place yourself in.

For instance, while you may not have a huge ego when it comes to everyday situations in your present life, there may be a particular aspect that you may take pride in (maybe even too much pride in?!)

Let’s say for example, a dentist: She’s extremely humble when it comes to her well-paid job. Despite her clients gifting her flowers and words of gratitude almost everyday, her ego remains modest and accepts the compliments from others. However, when it comes to her weekly badminton classes, her ego may become inflated to the point where she becomes slightly too egotistical and smug in relation to her talents.

While I don’t consider myself to have an inflated ego, I have come to realise that in some aspects of my life, I become extremely defensive when something or someone challenges certain beliefs of mine.

Ego comes in varying forms, and it’s come to light that I hate it when my status becomes challenged or compromised in the eye of another. In relation to it all, when a close friend of mine darted the ‘you have a huge ego yourself!‘ comment, I’d abruptly defended myself by shouting and denying! ‘What?! No! How?!

It has been a few weeks since the initial debate, and I hate to admit it, but it’s true. I do have a huge ego under certain circumstances. When this is combined with my already acknowledged stubborn mindset, I am quick to defend myself in hopes to protect the fragility of that good ol’Ego of mine!

A horrible trait, yes. I know. However, this doesn’t mean it can’t be changed in the near future!

So have a think about it; do you have an inflated ego under certain circumstances in your life? Maybe you take pride in your work, or a hobby of yours?
Food for thought. Think about it.